After My Diagnosis, I was Ghosted: Community Perspectives from the Rethink Network

TIPS AND INSIGHTS SHARED DIRECTLY FROM THE RETHINK NETWORK

We’ve all heard the term “ghosted” when dating someone or even after a job interview, when the person you’re waiting on suddenly disappears as if they never existed. But have you heard of “cancer ghosting”? Sadly, many women in our Canswer Hive have. It is when friends or even family members cut ties suddenly after your cancer diagnosis—with no explanation whatsoever. Going through cancer treatments is hard enough without feeling abandoned by the people you love (or worse, that it’s your fault). Many women have leaned on their breasties during this time, because only a fellow breastie truly understands what it is like to be diagnosed with cancer. Here are just a few of our Canswer Hive’s ghost(ed) stories:

1. Malgorzata says: “It was my mum. She definitely couldn’t cope with the fact that her daughter was diagnosed, but that doesn’t explain ghosting. We’ve been close before and now slowly starting to work on our new, post-cancer relationship.”
2. Bree says: “By my younger brother. Our father died from ALS one week before I was diagnosed. I don’t think my brother can handle it. I feel most sad for my 2-year-old son. My brother is my only sibling and my son doesn’t know him at all.”
3. Krystie says: “One of my best friends ghosted me. She was mostly there during my treatments. She came to surgeries, helped me meal prep, texted 100 times a day, every day, then before my last surgery all contact stopped. I tried reaching out many times and asking what was wrong. She insisted everything was fine, but still no contact whatsoever.”
4. Julie says: “I was 19 when I was diagnosed and my closest group of girlfriends, who I’d known for almost a decade, all disappeared one day without any explanation. I know it was because they couldn’t handle the stress of having a friend suffering, but it still hurts.”
5. Shauna says: “My good friend got mad and ghosted me after I asked her to not visit me after I just had chemo and she was still sick. She pretty much erased me out of her life.”
6. Jill says: “I have had several friends ghost me throughout this journey. Iw as completely shocked. Things can get lonely on the cancer journey and to lose friends too was very hard. On the other hand, other friendships became even stronger.”
7. Tamara says: “One friend ghosted me after I cancelled on her Xmas Eve dinner party. She had a bad cold but was still going ahead with the party. She didn’t understand why I didn’t want to come. She stopped talking to me, wouldn’t answer my texts, then unfriended me on Facebook. A few months later, I heard that she thought I was inconsiderate to throw off the even number.”
8. MJ says: “My two brothers and my dad. Never got a phone call, nothing. And now, when I see them, it’s like that period of my life never happened. It’s been two years and it still hurts a lot. And at work, some of my coworkers can’t even look me int he eye. I guess I remind them of something scary, something everyone dreads.”
9. Jill says: “My best friend of over 20 years. She started backing off slowly, and then informed me she thought we had different values and completely ditched me. We have repaired our relationship since, but it’s been a lot of work, and forgiveness.”
10. Vanessa says: “My best friends (some since Kindergarten) left me crying in the bathroom at a restaurant. The bartender came in and told me my friends had left. She brought me my coat, purse and a cookie (I still have the cookie as a reminder). She waited with me until I got into the cab, where I called my dear “cancer” friend and she listened as I sobbed.”
11. Vivene says: “One of my cousins who I grew up with ghosted me — hasn’t said a word to me since the day I was diagnosed. It hurts, that’s for sure. It took a long time, but I’m at the point now where it doesn’t matter if it’s a friend or biological family — I only want kindness and positive energy around me.”
12. Tamara says: “I had a friend tell me she couldn’t deal with my diagnosis. Sh has another friend pass away about six months before my diagnosis. When I was first diagnosed, she was super supportive, but as soon as at the scans showed MBC, she bailed. It hurt but I respect her much more for being honest and not just disappearing.”
13. Karen says: “A couple people ghosted me but a WHOLE LOT of other people came out of the woodwork and showed me so much love. I’m extremely fortunate.”

Looking to connect with other younger women diagnosed in their 40s and under who get it? Join the Rethink Network.