Cancer Fabulous Diaries: Fertility

fertility

Date: April 8

I’m feeling: Like I’m running out of time

Today I saw the fertility doctor. Sigh. Another thing to think about. Depending on the chemo cocktail I’ll have to take, it could affect my ovaries, causing me to become infertile. Sadness. So my option—along with all the other options—is to freeze my eggs.

The chance of me becoming pregnant (when I decide to) is 30% with just my eggs, 40% if my eggs are inseminated. This led to the topic of how serious my boyfriend and I are. The doctor almost made me teary-eyed when he said that in a way I was lucky that we are going through the “war” early. Sometimes, he said, Mr. Maybe becomes Mr. Right if he decides to stick around through all the tears, aches and pains. My boyfriend has been really sweet and supportive, but I don’t think I can ask him to do something so serious, so early on, no matter how much he tells me he loves me. I might go with the egg-only option.

Also, there is a drug available that I can take while doing my chemo—Zoladex. Taking it creates a higher chance that my ovaries will remain operational after chemo. It shuts them down, possibly preventing harm. As a result of all these hormonal changes in my body, I will be like a 50-year-old going through menopause. Early menopause, that sounds scary. But, luckily, I’m young and my body will have no problem bouncing back after I stop taking the medication. The doctor said that having no periods and experiencing hot flashes and sleep disturbances will be the least of my worries compared to chemo. FANTASTIC.

After my doctor appointment, my mom took me shopping. As I roamed the produce aisles with my lists of “what to eat” printed off the Internet by my mom, I got a little emotional. Now I’m sitting on my brother’s couch, watching reality TV out of the corner of my eye. I’m tired but waiting for Kelvin to finish his time on the computer so I can see if my boyfriend is online for our last chat before I go under the knife. I can’t believe I’m going tomorrow for my sentinel lymph node biopsy. I’m tired. Somebody called me today and never left a message. I’m confused because I’ve met so many people in the last three weeks and I can’t remember who is who. – Sylvia Soo


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