Cancer is … Rebirth

January is a month filled with new beginnings, fresh starts and renewed hope. It’s also a month where I’ve made lofty resolutions and broken them before February; where I’ve planned a year’s worth of events and activities, spread myself thin, and made assumptions that time is a commodity that could be taken for granted.

This January, I welcomed the new year quietly, humbly and with intention. An intention to give more than I receive, to show up for myself with unconditional love, patience and grace. To dive deeper into self-care, to unapologetically welcome magical moments (without bringing the weight of the trauma that comes with living through a cancer diagnosis), and to live each day effortlessly, to flow, to trust.

Cancer is rebirth. I realize there’s so much irony in that statement but once the layers of despair, anger and shock were pulled away, I’ve been able to feel the emergence of a changed woman. The “me” that existed prior to diagnosis wasn’t in alignment with who I’d become so I made the choice to welcome the rebirth. Through this renewal of self, I’ve discovered that there is thriving to be done amidst the surviving. There is life to be lived, adventures to be explored, grief to be honored and joy to be received.  

January is the ideal time to sow seeds of recovery, peace and wellness. Perhaps last year was filled with a recurrence, life-altering surgeries, harsh treatments, disappointing scans, or a medically grim diagnosis. If last year left you depleted, disheartened and empty, take a long, deep, cleansing breath in this instant then slowly exhale and release everything painful you carried in 2020 – let it all go…

January offers a clean slate where we get to embrace new outcomes, and new dreams. Let’s not waste the breath we still have focused on setbacks or bad news. Let’s fill our lungs with the sweet nectar of possibility.

If you’re not ready to embrace this rebirth, please know – that’s ok. If you need more time to sit with the pain, process the loss, and ride the waves of your grief – that’s ok too. It’s all ok. I see you. I hear you. I am you.

Whenever you do feel the rebirth emerging, allow it. Exhale and scream, “Yes!” Yes, to joy, excitement, wholeness, fearlessness, boldness, victory and ease.

This journey can feel depleting and never ending. As I type, I’m reminded that I must empty the drains from my bi-lateral mastectomy and that there was the death of so, so much before I allowed the rebirth. I’m reminded that healing is at times painful, individually expressed and unceasing. I’m also reminded that self-love is medicine to the soul and that I possess a reservoir of resilience that cancer will never be able to deplete.

Through this rebirth I’ve discovered that at my core there is a changeless peace that a diagnosis cannot take away. It has tried and failed many, many times.  

Let’s be intentional through this process of internal restoration, let’s explore allowing ecstasy back into our lives, let us always remember that we are souls who deserve more unguarded, enchanting moments. I’m certain there is so much bliss waiting on the other side of this rebirth. I hope you will open your heart center and find it with me.

Kai McGee is a writer who frequently explores parenting, her journey through breast cancer, social-justice and self-care. She is currently working on her memoir. Connect with her via Instagram @onanaturalkai

Cancer Is… is a monthly Blog where Kai McGee explores thoughts on what cancer is and is not from her lens of walking the journey as a survivor, thriver and champion for Breast Cancer awareness.