cancer and the holidays

What Helps Me Feel Less Alone During The Holidays

Living with cancer has brought on so many different struggles that have changed me so much. For instance, the constant feeling of isolation, which is something I feel often. I can be in a room filled with people and feel like I’m alone or that I don’t belong. Sometimes, it feels like I’m standing alone and the world around me is buzzing and moving without me.

With the holidays around the corner, I feel more and more alone. Hearing everyone chatting about family, adventures coming up and the excitement of what that means to them leaving me feeling disconnected. I’m excited about all of that, possibly more, but with it comes the fear, “Is this my last holiday?” I’m constantly feeling like I am fighting with myself to enjoy the moment. While the dark cloud looms over I think, “Enjoy it to the fullest, because it may be your last,” … and then I feel isolated. I feel alone with these intense feelings and emotions. I don’t want to burden others with my feelings of loneliness, so I hide them.

Most of the time the world around me has no idea how sad and lonely I am. It has taught me to be more sensitive to my surroundings and to remember we all may have struggles others can not see. During all of this, there have been some random acts of kindness that have brought me out of dark places and helped me focus on how wonderful life truly can be.

I was diagnosed two months after moving to a brand new town. I was alone, and far from everyone that cared about me and that I cared about. Thankfully, I have a circle of amazing people that, to this day, have never given up on me. They worked together and from a distance made my life and my children’s lives easier. While I slept my days away, trying to recover from my treatments, they had organized meals for my family, a freezer was delivered to hold food, clothes and care packages were sent, every once in awhile a surprise package would come to my house to remind me I was loved and not alone. They changed my life, and my outlook on this world. I felt the army I had behind me cheering me on. Reminding me that when I feel alone they are there.

Not only have I been blessed with amazing friends, I have encountered random acts of kindness from strangers, some of which have become amazing friends to me now. When a local business found out I was sick and had just moved in, they sent a weekly meal to our family. His kindness in the last five years has never stopped. When I reached my five years post diagnosis milestone, he reached out and had food sent our way to help take that burden off my shoulders, so that I was able to be with my children and enjoy my time with them.

I’m thankful for the people who have come into my life, some for a moment, some for a day, and some for a lifetime. – Adriana Capozzi


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