fertility advice

What I Would Tell My Struggling-To-Conceive Self

Trying to have a baby post-cancer is a wild ride. Even though fertility issues seem pretty common these days (cancer or no cancer), it still feels extremely depressing and isolating when it happens to you. On this Infertility Awareness Week, I want to share some advice that I wish I had when I was going through fertility treatment over a year ago. When my days were consumed by the thoughts of getting pregnant. When my weeks were filled with early morning drop in’s at the fertility clinic for cycle monitoring where I would be poked with needles and while I waited for hours anxiously for good or bad news from the doctor. All the while surrounded by a room full of women, eyes down silently fighting their own battles. 

It’s okay to not be okay!

I am the type of person who tries to stay positive and put on a strong front but it’s okay to not be okay and to break down sometimes.

It’s okay to take a break from the outside world – baby showers, social media, baby play dates etc.

BUT remember your friends need you just as much as you need them. And once the infertility struggle is all done (although I know that sometimes it never is), you may feel sad that you missed out on events, so take a break but remember it’s just a break!

Don’t compare yourself to others.

(I know, I know, easier said than done). Everyone has their own battles whether it is fertility, family or health issues, etc. Us cancer folk may think that we really got the shitty end of the stick when, not only did we get hit with a cancer diagnosis, but now we are dealing with the stressors of starting a family. Yes it sucks, but remember no one’s life is perfect and you can’t take all those polished pictures on Instagram at face value.

Share your journey.

Whether it’s in your own personal journal, with a best friend or through a blog you choose to share with your close network, you never know who you may be inspiring or even helping along the way.


Don’t forget your partner is in this too, just as much as you are!

Since it is your body, it can sometimes be hard to realize that your partner may be struggling just as much as you! Be a team and support one another. You will need a strong relationship and base for your family’s sake.

Having babies after cancer is hard but not impossible.

Don’t give up. There are sooo many options out there. I had a doctor tell me there was basically no chance in hell for me to conceive, but now I have a beautiful baby girl who is six-months-old! Do not be discouraged by “the science” because even though your chances could be lower, it doesn’t always mean it’s impossible!

At the end of the day, everyone’s experience with fertility is extremely unique. Be kind and gentle with yourself. Believe that there is light at the end of the tunnel! – Dory Kashin

For more stories about fertility after cancer, click here.

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