Evolution of Body and Mind
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Body. The one and only I’ll receive in this life. We started life together, all rubbery and bouncy; full cheeks and eyes full of joy. As time marched on, our skin filled with memories of falls off swing sets and tumbles off horses. But we healed, and Mind told us we were invincible. Nothing could take us down — an unbeatable force charging through the ethos of life. Slowly, inevitable Time started to envelop our skin, bones, and muscles. Aches, pains, and, OMG, where did that bruise come from? Shoulder and nose surgeries; corrections for a time before caution, before Mind told us we weren’t invincible. Then, suddenly on a cold December evening, Cancer busted into our being like the Kool-Aid man, smashing our now fragile existence. The illusion of immortality gone, replaced by a dark veil of fragility. As our skin filled with scars and the mind with unbearable doubt, the body started to become not our own. It felt like peeking through a window at another life. A life riddled with pain, fear, and anger. Mind told Body these feelings were not bearable. As this battle raged, a small piece of invincible Mind started to rise up with unrelenting tenacity. Fighting and clawing its way to the surface and refusing to let go. Maybe “invincibility” does not mean what Mind once told us it was. Perhaps it’s maintaining hope, faith, and determination in the face of threats to Body. This powerful will is what connects Mind and Body, propelling us forever forward in this often cruel world. For we are nothing without daydreams of a wonderfully beautiful world ahead.
Librarian and EdD student. Diagnosed at 37. IDC, Stage I, low ER+ (less than 10%).
Rachel is a librarian and student at Johns Hopkins. She’s passionate about making resources available to students and reducing the cost of textbooks and course materials. When she’s not at a medical appointment, she likes to use creative writing and mixed media art to deal with her cancer trauma. Rachel was diagnosed with breast cancer after her first screening mammogram, which was done early because she had a slightly higher than average lifetime risk. As an education student, she researches and studies new ways to make AYA cancer information accessible to all patients. Rachel lives with her husband, two cats, three rats, and a horse, which keeps her busy and happy.
@geeky4libraries racheltakesdownthebigc.wordpress.com
This piece has been republished with permission from WILDFIRE Magazine, the “Body” issue, published originally June 29, 2024. More information available at wildfirecommunity.org
WILDFIRE Magazine is the only magazine for young women survivors and fighters of breast cancer under 45 years old. Headquartered in Santa Cruz, California, WILDFIRE is a beautiful, story-based bi-monthly magazine published on different themes relevant to young women survivors, from stage 0 to stage IV. Beautiful and ad-free! Visit wildfirecommunity.org for more info.