Reflecting on “Friendship & Support”

I never really thought that I had a ton of friends; mostly because of trust issues. And I don’t like to ask for help from anyone. So when I was diagnosed the first time around in 2020, it was difficult for many reasons. One of them was that I had to accept the fact that my wife and I needed help, not just for my sake but also for my family’s.

It was a difficult time. I was frustrated by my situation, and after having a double mastectomy, I couldn’t do anything on my own. My wife had to change my dressings, empty my drains, get me dressed, bathe me, etc. As a very independent control freak, this sent me into a big rut.

We had to live with my brother and his wife while I healed, which made me feel like a burden. Although I was very thankful for their kindness, I was frustrated that I didn’t have my things, my house rules, my schedule, and my space. It was difficult to relax when I was not in my own space.

But through this time, I realized that allowing people to help me made them feel better. People constantly showed up and checked on me, asking how they could help. And I learned that they actually meant it.

In May of 2024, I learned that my cancer had metastasized, and am now stage IV. It took the wind out of sails, and once again, we had to rely on help from family, friends and even strangers who stepped up. I had forgotten how good people can be if we just let them in.

I tried to put myself in their shoes. How would I feel if someone I cared about were in my position? I know that I would absolutely hate feeling helpless and truly would want to do something for them… anything.

Once again, I had to remember to let them. As uncomfortable as it is, I know that not only do I need it, but so do they. And I would say there is a silver lining to cancer. It can heal relationships because you realize that such trivial arguments don’t matter anymore. You gain a whole new perspective and just become happy to be alive.

I find myself trying to be more present and soak in more moments with my kids and family. I look at their little faces a bit longer, and listen more intently when my 4-year-old is telling me a silly story, and making funny faces at my 7-month-old son. I call my mom more. I look around the room at my family and try to hold on to what ot feels like for everyone to be in the same room, joking and conversing.

I also realized the impact I have had on my pilots as the Assistant Chief Pilot. They showed up at a walk where I was giving a speech, texted, called, and emailed, and offered to clean my house, watch my kids, cook dinner, drop off groceries, and so much more. That was the most surprising thing. Until they started showing up for me, I had no idea the impact I had made on them.

My heart feels full when I think about all the people who have and continue to show up in different ways. The valuable lesson here is to let people do things for me and my family. If I were in their shoes, that would make me feel better. Generosity cannot fix something like cancer, but it sure can help make impactful connections that help heal my heart.

I think cancer needs to be fought on all fronts, and having meaningful connections is so important. Otherwise, you may start to feel really lonely. And sometimes I do, but it typically doesn’t last too long. I just remind myself to be present and soak in all the moments I can. — Lisa Mannina (Instagram, Facebook, Substack)