Reflections of Breast Cancer: A Poetry Series  

by Sara Lou

Thirty

I spent my twenties

In the mirror

Disgusted by my hips, dips and lips

Envious of beautiful women

When I turned thirty and discovered

Mirrors no longer frighten me

For I found the grace to love this body

Just in time

For them to cut, poison and eradicate

The love that was new

---

Eyes Open

In the beginning

My mother told me

It will surprise you who lights a

Candle in the darkness

& who fades into the shadows.

I have never heard

The applause of strangers

& the silence of loved ones

As deafening as this.

---

Waiting

Did it spread?

Is my body full of cancer?

How long do I have?

During the

Excruciating silence

Of waiting weeks

For results

I wrote a letter

To my husband

& debated

Which of his friends

I should give it to

In the event

I should pass

I ended up

Keeping it in our home

& there is shall stay

Tucked away

In a drawer

With all my fears

---

Survivor

We connect

Almost magnetically

Small talk is replaced with deepest fears

& our jokes are black as night

As laughter covers

The sadness

In the room

Like a blanket

We don’t complain about

Aching backs

Changing eyesight

Or anything

That represents growing old

Because we know

Growing old isa privilege

Only some

Are lucky enough

To experience

---

Caregiver

Pacing in parking garages

Crying on public benches

Counting tiles in waiting rooms

He’s a mirror of my own emotion

Holding it together

So I don’t fall apart

& I don’t know what it’s like

To wait for someone else to awake

Just to care for them each day

But my love

When do you have room

For you?

---

Refuge

It’s been 5 months

Since I escaped my body

& began floating

Above myself in the sky

Watching, observing

Without feeling

Because sometimes

Floating is the only way to endure

The heartache that is reality

& I wonder

When will my body and soul

Meet again

---

Sara was diagnosed with breast cancer, invasive ductal carcinoma, Grade 3 on July 29th, 2021. After going through surgery, chemotherapy & radiation, she is sharing her experience of cancer survivorship through poetry. Read more poems and words from Sara here.