A Letter to Myself
Yesterday you finished treatment. This morning you woke up. It is sunny outside with a slight breeze. You can feel the warmth of it from your bed. The prism in the window is catching the light, the cats are rolling around on the floor playing with the rainbows.
Yesterday was your last radiation treatment. Afterward you drove to the beach and watched a dazzling sunset from around a wild dancing fire while toasting with cheap champagne. You’ve finished chemo, surgery, and radiation.
Everything is ok. You are ok. I can tell you from here, going into this journey, your biggest ally will be your intuition. The more you allow it to guide you, the softer life will play. Be easy on yourself though, even if you choose otherwise. Your intuition will know from the start that you will have dark days where everything seems pointless. It knows that you will feel insecure and scared about the changes to your body. Your intuition knows that he will leave you when you are at your most vulnerable, and he does. It knows from the start that you are a strong, badass, spirited, kind, wild, and loud-hearted woman that will get through this shit. And you do.
Don’t ever forget how strong your love is and what it is capable of; your love for others, and oh so importantly, your love for yourself. You don’t know this yet, but your loving soul has assembled an army of supporters. Your friends and family will protect you and hold you up when you don’t have the strength. They want to be on the front-lines helping you fight, so allow them to be.
This experience with cancer will intrigue and amaze you, break you and awaken you. You will be OK.
Laura Pike. Diagnosed at 36. Emergency Department Registered Nurse. Portland, Oregon. ILC, Stage II, ER+, PR+. BRCA2+.
This piece has been republished with permission from WILDFIRE Magazine, the 2020 “SURVIVORSHIP” issue (Vol 5, No 2, Copyright (c) April 2020 by Wildfire Community LLC). More information available at wildfirecommunity.org
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