Cancer Fabulous Diaries: Results

Date: April 17

I’m feeling: So sad

Words cannot express the sadness inside me. I am so sad, so very sad. My surgeon told me that the cancer had spread to two of the four lymph nodes they removed. The next three minutes of what she said whizzed by me. Everything has changed. The decisions I’ve already made need to be re-evaluated.

Reconstructive surgery won’t be able to happen for at least a year. If I have a mastectomy, I will have one breast for one whole year.

I tried my hardest not to cry. It was really hard when the surgeon herself started getting teary-eyed as I stared deeply into her eyes. I had to look away. The tears finally came as I drove away from the hospital with my brother. He gave me a hug. I’ve never truly known the power of a hug until this whole cancer thing.

I went to Tim Hortons with my brother and Delasi. It’s clear that they are against me going to visit my boyfriend in Korea before I have to really deal with all this cancer stuff. This is a hard decision. I went back to the clinic to find out the earliest they could get me in—next Thursday. I feel like two weeks can make a difference, perhaps the tumour could grow even more. The doctor said it was OK for me to travel, but it’s not her body, it’s mine.

Emily called. I know she understands how hard it would be for me to go ahead with the surgery without seeing my boyfriend first. Sunny, from Korea, called too. I have such great, great friends.

The tears really poured out when my boyfriend told me he’d be upset if I came to visit him. He wanted me to take care of it ASAP. I cried and I cried and I cried. I’m so sad at this point. I was really looking forward to the trip. -Sylvia Soo