Just For Today — A Wildfire Poem
Can I tell myself just for today
that I love myself
That if ever I was to love myself
It would be today in this moment
Can I Can I tell myself that I love you
I love your smile
I love the way you laugh
I love the silly crinkle in my nose that comes and goes with deep smiles
I love
well it’s hard to love myself in moments
But today
Today I will
Today I will
I will love how resilient I am
How strong and determined I am
How sometimes my empathy is but a guidance and a curse
I love that I see my world around me in vivid colors
I love that I never give up
I love that I did not let my past traumas
Define me
Can I tell myself just for today that I love myself
I love my almond shaped eyes
And how with the weather and depending on what I wear, they seem to change colors
And how I am able to see beauty in places others can not
I love my mind
I love my mind
For being able to help me figure out all the madness inside it
I love my mouth
For I have learned to speak with honesty and authenticity
Knowing I won’t be everyones cup of tea
I love my breastless chest
For everything it showed me
That my breasts don’t make me
They might have given me shape but I am not my breasts
That I am not breast cancer
Cancer is just chapters in my book I love that my scars are just that scars
That I will love them for knowing that I listened to my gut
I love that I listen to her
Yes she has had moments of confusion but don’t we all
Can I tell myself just for today that I love myself
And my girl bits
I love you
For allowing me to feel pleasure
For helping me grow into a woman
Even if I sit hollow
Because well cancer took that as well
I love my hips and legs
For holding me up on days when I find it so hard to stand
But mostly I love me
I love you
I love you at this moment
I love you in all the moments
The moments your days are heavy
The days you don’t want to get out of bed but you do
I love you even in your stubbornness
Because sometimes your past creeps in
I love you for learning to love yourself
For giving yourself grace
And for knowing it’s a journey not a race
I know you have moments in which some days you find it harder than others
But I love that each day you are trying
Each day
Tears
Screams
You still find love for yourself
You had moments you had even told yourself
I hate you
Only because it’s familiar
Easier to do so then to say
I love myself
I love you
But not today
Today I love you
Today I love you
Today I love you
Today I love you for showing up for yourself Today I love you
Today I love you
Today I love you
Period
Tawny Gonzales • Healing. Diagnosed at 39. Stage II, IDC and Medullary, ER+. Tawny is trying to live her best life the most authentic way possible. Tawny found her lump after a small car accident. She was told, like so many others, you’re too young, but with her self-awareness, she knew it was more. Scans and a biopsy confirmed it: breast cancer. Tawny was diagnosed with two forms of breast cancer in one breast. She went through multiple ups and downs in her journey, but the most profound was her learning to love her body. So here she is, loving her body in ways she never thought. Tawny decided she was going to share her journey, in hopes of helping others learn to love their bodies and bring awareness regarding breast cancer. We are never alone in this journey. @itsjustahiccup
Photos credited to DocList
This piece has been republished with permission from WILDFIRE Magazine, the “Cancer Culture” issue, published originally February 19, 2022. More information available at wildfirecommunity.org
WILDFIRE Magazine is the only magazine for young women survivors and fighters of breast cancer under 45 years old. Headquartered in Santa Cruz, California, WILDFIRE is a beautiful, story-based bi-monthly magazine published on different themes relevant to young women survivors, from stage 0 to stage IV. Beautiful and ad-free! Visit wildfirecommunity.org for more info.
