Modern Love – MBC Style
In honour of love week (and Valentine’s Day!) we’re sharing tales of modern love.
(The hardest thing I have written yet. Sheldon, I love you.)
“I’ve got all the courage I’ll ever need. I have you.”
We always joked that he would die first. We’re seven years a part and well women live longer to begin with. Never did we think we would be faced with the possibility that one of us may not make it to the golden years. That person of course being me…
“We’ll do it all. Everything.”
Everyone said we would never make it. I was too young when we met at 17. I was still in high school and he already working his first job. But we did it. Five years of long distance, university summers living together and ultimately the big move from the east coast to Toronto.
This May marks 20 years together. I didn’t think it possible to love someone so much until he showed me unwavering love and support through the hardest battle we would ever face together last year. ‘Our’ cancer has bonded us together so much that I truly believe the earth would have to break in half and suck me down with it in order to tear us a part.
Love before cancer was good. We’ve had ups and downs of course over the years. We have always been best friends first and we’ve always laughed and enjoyed each other’s company more than anyone else. Work stress got the better of me for a few years and threatened to tarnish our shiny relationship. I look back now and think ‘how frivolous’ I was to think it would just always be there. Like it wouldn’t take work. The reality is, a marriage takes work to survive.
The year the pain started was our 10th wedding anniversary. We spent it backpacking Thailand and interestingly I thought my pain was from hiking. We finished the year with a trip to the emergency department on Dec 31st, 2017 at 6:30am.
Our 11th year of marriage threatened us both. Sitting in the cafeteria of my hospital looking at each other wondering if we’d be together to see our 12th. Would he stay in Toronto after I am gone? Would he move east? ‘Oh my God, I am ruining his life.’ (I need to break here because the thought is too much)
That morning was the worst of my life. And then it got better.
“Love shines through you. It brings me light.”
True love is compassion. It’s gentle. It’s not always loud. It’s pushing a wheelchair through the hospital. It’s going to the Metro to buy ‘Zoodles’ at 10pm because it was the only thing I could stomach for two weeks. It’s literally helping me to wipe my own behind because the bone mets on the sternum pre-radiation wouldn’t allow me to reach. It’s feeling completely and utterly humiliated through tears and that man still telling me I am beautiful and perfect.
The first six months of 2018 were the lowest. Then my health began to turn around and we’ve pretty much returned to the ‘new normal.’ The stability is here for now. We both don’t pretend that it can’t change but we own our moments now. (We’re even trying to get our sexual life back. Sorry Sheldon (and Sheldon’s mom and well… my dad too!) BUT intimacy is a HUGE part of a marriage and well in 2018 I became a ‘born again virgin’. (That’s a whole other topic)
The point here, love is the biggest reason I want to live. Sheldon deserves a damn metal. ‘I’ deserve a damn metal too actually!
We’ve decided 2019 is our year. The year we weathered the worst part of the storm together has passed. The year we could only dream would come is here. So this year, May 2019 we will celebrate our 12th year of marriage in the south of France. We will walk those streets holding hands…stronger than we’ve ever been.
Sheldon, my love, my light, I am so proud to be your wife. Thank you. Thank you. Oh my God thank you. For everything. – Nadine Parsons