Poem Cancer Wildfire Magazine

A Broken Mirror … A Poem By Wildfire

The size of a cashew, the weight of the world

Excitement and fear in my heart, baby girl

Newly wed, newly pregnant, newly diagnosed

Your life and well-being was first and foremost

Not even born, possibly losing your mother

Broken, a widow I would make your father

I prepared for my death as I prepared for your life

Results were good, but it felt like a knife

The agony of what I had lost at a time of gain

The joy of a mother, yet so much pain

Why me? Why now? What is my fate?

After the stress, the tears, came the hate

Stripped down like a Buddhist monk

No love for myself nor life, like a drunk

Then you spoke to me with your eyes

Amazed by me? You made me realize

Like no other, you were with me through it all

And now I’m here, I’m blessed, to see you crawl

Such disconnect with my new body, a stranger

Yet I saw myself in you, new and familiar

You brought me back to childhood, my essence

With your smile, your lightness, your presence

For all the times I held you and cried

For what you did, I remain mystified

Of all the relationships strained by my cancer

You mended the one I had with the mirror

Caroline D. Ethier. Immunologist. Diagnosed at 28. IDC, Stage III, Triple Positive. Caroline is a young, vibrant breast cancer survivor. She was diagnosed while 26 weeks pregnant with her first child. She completed treatments while pregnant and caring for her healthy newborn baby girl. Following pregnancy, a mastectomy and chemotherapy, she deeply struggled with body image issues and redefining her femininity. She found strength in family, friends and spirituality as well as therapy and platforms such as WILDFIRE Magazine. She is an immunologist with a master’s degree in experimental medicine and a natural medicine enthusiast. Her ongoing journey through breast cancer and recovery has given her a new outlook on healing and a new found appreciation for holistic living. She has begun creating art as a way to process her emotional baggage. She hopes to share her experiences, knowledge and perspective to help others heal.

Editor’s Note: This piece has been republished with permission from WILDFIRE Magazine, the “Love & Intimacy” issue (Vol 4, No 4, Copyright (c) Aug 2019 by Wildfire Community LLC). More information available at wildfirecommunity.org

Every month, Rethink will be sharing powerful stories and poetry from WILDFIRE Magazine. Use code RETHINK for 10% off anything in the WILDFIRE Shop.

WILDFIRE Magazine is the only magazine for young women survivors and fighters of breast cancer under 45 years old. Headquartered in Santa Cruz, California, WILDFIRE is a beautiful, story-based bi-monthly magazine published on different themes relevant to young women survivors, from stage 0 to stage IV. Beautiful and ad-free! Visit  wildfirecommunity.org for more info.

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