A Broken Mirror … A Poem By Wildfire
The size of a cashew, the weight of the world
Excitement and fear in my heart, baby girl
Newly wed, newly pregnant, newly diagnosed
Your life and well-being was first and foremost
Not even born, possibly losing your mother
Broken, a widow I would make your father
I prepared for my death as I prepared for your life
Results were good, but it felt like a knife
The agony of what I had lost at a time of gain
The joy of a mother, yet so much pain
Why me? Why now? What is my fate?
After the stress, the tears, came the hate
Stripped down like a Buddhist monk
No love for myself nor life, like a drunk
Then you spoke to me with your eyes
Amazed by me? You made me realize
Like no other, you were with me through it all
And now I’m here, I’m blessed, to see you crawl
Such disconnect with my new body, a stranger
Yet I saw myself in you, new and familiar
You brought me back to childhood, my essence
With your smile, your lightness, your presence
For all the times I held you and cried
For what you did, I remain mystified
Of all the relationships strained by my cancer
You mended the one I had with the mirror
Caroline D. Ethier. Immunologist. Diagnosed at 28. IDC, Stage III, Triple Positive. Caroline is a young, vibrant breast cancer survivor. She was diagnosed while 26 weeks pregnant with her first child. She completed treatments while pregnant and caring for her healthy newborn baby girl. Following pregnancy, a mastectomy and chemotherapy, she deeply struggled with body image issues and redefining her femininity. She found strength in family, friends and spirituality as well as therapy and platforms such as WILDFIRE Magazine. She is an immunologist with a master’s degree in experimental medicine and a natural medicine enthusiast. Her ongoing journey through breast cancer and recovery has given her a new outlook on healing and a new found appreciation for holistic living. She has begun creating art as a way to process her emotional baggage. She hopes to share her experiences, knowledge and perspective to help others heal.
Editor’s Note: This piece has been republished with permission from WILDFIRE Magazine, the “Love & Intimacy” issue (Vol 4, No 4, Copyright (c) Aug 2019 by Wildfire Community LLC). More information available at wildfirecommunity.org
Every month, Rethink will be sharing powerful stories and poetry from WILDFIRE Magazine. Use code RETHINK for 10% off anything in the WILDFIRE Shop.
WILDFIRE Magazine is the only magazine for young women survivors and fighters of breast cancer under 45 years old. Headquartered in Santa Cruz, California, WILDFIRE is a beautiful, story-based bi-monthly magazine published on different themes relevant to young women survivors, from stage 0 to stage IV. Beautiful and ad-free! Visit wildfirecommunity.org for more info.
